Dating and first dates are not easy for everyone. Especially for introverts. How to overcome shyness and not fail the first meeting? Every time quiet people go to the meeting place, they get the chills. 10 minutes before the appointed time, they may be ready to cancel everything. And there always comes a moment when they don’t know what to think of, and, having said the first few words, such introverts fall silent in a complete panic.
Unfortunately for them, shy people, there are no options – you have to go on dates. And answer different people the same questions about who we are, what we love, and what we do. Allow people to look at you at close range. But let’s look at it from the other side. Don’t you want to find love? Then you have to go through it. There is no other way.
Luckily enough, we have prepared some tips checked over the years that will come in handy if you are not confident in yourself.
1. A little more coffee, a little less alcohol
We know – the temptation to get a little courage with the help of a strong drink is very great, but the thing is this: if you are in introvert and can’t always find the right words, alcohol will become your enemy. Only coffee! It can make the atmosphere more relaxed and informal no less effective.
2. Short and mysterious
Leave room for imagination. When you meet girls online or just in real life, make them want to know more about you. The real purpose of the first date is to arouse curiosity. You both ask yourself the same questions at this time: “Do I want to spend more time with this person? Do I want to know more? ”And if the answer is yes, you can think about planning a new date, interrupting the current one in time.
And another tip, most people can normally maintain a conversation for a maximum of 90 minutes, so try to finish the date at the peak of your activity!
3. A right place
Cease your attempts to invent new original ways to meet and find unexpected spots for dates, for an introvert, this is not the best option. You need solid ground under your feet. Besides, if your new acquaintance likes the place as much as you do, it will mean that you are on the same vibe at least in something (maybe you are lucky, and she is also an introvert).
It is a great idea to always have plan A and plan B. Choose nice little cafes that are not too crowded. And if it still turns out to be noisy, there is a park next to this cafe where you can escape and wander together in silence. Avoid mass events if you get tired of them. Concerts? Save this for a second date; otherwise, you will not have the opportunity to talk. A good choice for an introvert is walking or cycling routes, cultural events, museums. Everything where there is the ability to move and discuss impressions.
4. Questions and once again questions
This is the rule of dating for introverts: you have to ask the other person about something. And even then, when you’ve lived together for 40 years, and you have grandchildren, you still need to ask each other questions. (“How was your day, dear?”) If you meet on the Internet, write honestly. When asked how you spend Friday evenings, there is a temptation to embellish reality and answer: “With friends at the bar.” But this is not about you! Answer as it is: “Doing yoga, and I like it.” There must be someone who understands you and loves you the way you are.
When on a first date, answering a minor question about your work, hobby, or interest, do not bury yourself in the details of the answer. We understand that, at the same time, you try to seek through your mind the options for how to present it witty so that your interlocutor would not get bored to death. But the thing is, people ask us when they are interested in the topic too. So answer shortly and ask them back!
For the first date to go well, you must have a dialogue. Listening is as important as sharing your thoughts. If someone asks you how many brothers and sisters you have, perhaps they are already looking forward to talking about their relatives whom they love. Make a habit of checking yourself: “Did I ask someone I was talking to? Did I find out something about this person?”
5. Lower your expectations
Do not place too high bets. It is not necessary that each meeting be perfect, and you definitely should not go on a date with the thought like “It will conquer their heart and step over myself.” With your talent to notice and analyze everything, you have probably already created a portrait of the person you are going to meet in advance. There is too much pressure, both on you and them. Better treat a date as an experiment. And just have fun spending time together and stepping out of your comfort zone.